Recovery is finally learning to say, “I need help.” Recovery is also hearing someone say, “I’m here.”

Maria (not her real name) was, she said, “at rock bottom” when she reached out to Aster House, and its Clinical Director Courtney Supple was there for her, giving her an interview and admitting her into her program at CHD’s residential recovery home in South Hadley.

Maria was a habitual cocaine user, and she also suffered from mental health conditions, especially anxiety and PTSD from undergoing an incredibly traumatic experience—being kidnapped and brutalized by Springfield serial killer Stewart Weldon, who murdered three women in 2017 and 2018. Maria was tied up in the back seat of Weldon’s car when police pulled him over for a broken taillight. That traffic stop saved Maria’s life, she believes, and ultimately led to the discovery of his other victims.

“I was that girl in the car,” said Maria, acknowledging her infamy from the news reports. She agreed with police that she likely would have been Weldon’s fourth murder victim if she hadn’t been rescued. “I was in a very bad and abusive—I can’t say ‘relationship’ because it wasn’t a real relationship,” she said. “He abused me every day, and I didn’t know how to step away.”

Maria went through “extreme pain,” according to her victim impact statement at Weldon’s sentencing. “I thought it was the end of my life.”

She has been at Aster House for five months. “Ever since I came here, I have been working very hard at learning about myself,” she said. What has she learned? “I am a good person, and I’m one of those people that is easily targeted, because I’m very kind. I’ll give you the shirt off my back. But before, people took my kindness for weakness.” That left her vulnerable to being taken advantage of, and she’s determined not to let that happen again.

She was also severely depressed after losing her grandmother a year ago. Aster House came into the picture when she was receiving services at CHD’s Adult Mental Health-Springfield on State Street, and program manager Kate Fitzgerald gave her a referral. “She told me, ‘It’s going to be a journey, but you got this—I know you’ll be a good fit there,’” said Maria.

So far, her stay has been productive, to say the least. “Aster House has given me back a part of my spirit that I had lost,” she said.

Maria said she has been helped by yoga, a journaling group, and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which teaches skills to help manage painful emotions and reduce self-destructive behaviors. She also participates in polyvagal therapy, which uses exercises like breathwork to get out of the “fight or flight” mode when stressed. “If there is something that triggers you, polyvagal therapy teaches you how to avoid that trigger or work through it,” she said.

At present, she believes she is better prepared to deal with challenges and maintain her mental health and substance use recovery. “I have more strength now,” she said. “I have more courage—more hope. My heart is warm again.”